It's not funny
by Tempest2004
Summary: [G1] What can I say? Old hydraulics and older Transformers. Please R&R!


All right, my second G1 fic and anyone is OOC, I apologize. I've only seen YouTube clips. No original characters and no songs this time. But I thought this would be suitably embarrasing. Well, let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: Megatron, Optimus, the Twins, Soundwave, Starscream, Ratchet, Red Alert and Prowl belong to Hasbro/Takara and I'm only borrowing them. Though Soundwave might not go back for while. Depends……… 

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Optimus sighed as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe started their argument again.

"ENOUGH!!!!" he roared finally over the noise, making everyone jump. Prowl, Jazz, Ratchet and the others stared at him in disbelief. "I don't care who started it, but I'm finishing it. Right now. Sunstreaker, what happened and Sideswipe, don't you dare interrupt." he said and the red twin shut his mouth. As Sunstreaker finished, Optimus was staring at him in disbelief. "This fight, this feud...Was about a scratched PAINT JOB?!?" Optimus bellowed in disbelief. The Decepticon's who were sneaking up on the Ark stopped and looked at each other, startled.

"But, Optimus..." Sunstreaker said meekly, but Optimus glowered at him and he quickly shut his mouth.

"All this, the pranks, traps, arguments, everything, was over a scratch?!? You two have been driving us insane with these squabbles, for THAT?!? Primus almighty!! I was ready to send you back to Cybertron just to give all of us a break from this!!!" Optimus placed his head in his hands and sighed deeply. "What am I going to do with you two?!? You're enough to make a Saint swear and I make no such claims. With that in mind, OUT! Out, Out, Out!!!!" He bellowed and shooed them all out the door, closed and locked it.

"Of all the stupid, immature..." Optimus shook his head. The Decepticon alarm rang and Optimus simply went back to his datapads. "If Megatron wants to face me, let him come here." Optimus muttered.

----------------Outside the Ark-------------

"Where's Prime?" Megatron asked suspiciously. Ratchet snorted.

"Busy. I'll send him your regards." he said, smirking. Megatron growled and leveled his fusion cannon at the impudent Medic. Ratchet flipped him off, then dove out of the way as the Fusion Cannon fired.

"Decepticon's Attack!" Megatron roared and the matter of the Missing Prime was pushed to the back of his mind.

----------------------Prime's Office-----------------------

"Slaggin' Glitch." Optimus muttered to himself as an explosion rocked the Ark and knocked his datapads to the floor, again. "Someday, I want one day of peace, quiet and no Megatron's, Sunstreakers, Sideswipes and anything else to drive me banana's." Optimus grumbled as he knelt to pick up the datapads. When he tried to rise, his hyrdaulics failed him. "Oh, sh-" he was interrupted by the door swishing open.

"Well, well." A familiarly evil voice chuckled from behind him. Optimus shut his optics off in a pained look. Megatron.

"I don't suppose you'd consider giving me a chance to at least straighten, would you?" he said, turning his head to look at the tyrant and to his utter horror, said tyrant was bent over laughing silently at him. "It's not funny." Optimus said and watched with a mixture of disbelief and dismay as Megatron fell to all fours, laughing his head off.

"I can't breathe!" he gasped then fell into more laughter. Moments later, after laughing himself hysterical, he tried to get up, and failed. Megatron narrowed his optics and tried to rise again.

"I told you it wasn't funny." Optimus said sourly. Megatron was forced to agree.

"Well, this is a fine mess you got me into." Megatron said after a few moments.

"ME?!?!? Who attacked who?" Optimus retorted, turning to face his rival.

"I never attacked you, I just came looking for you." Megatron said primly, sounding for all the world like an older sib who got into trouble looking for a younger sibling.

"Right." Optimus said and shook his head. Trying again, Optimus' hyrdaulics failed him again. "I guess I'm stuck like this." he said, conversationally. Megatron sighed.

"The door locked, didn't it?" he asked, then Optimus' optics widened in horror.

"Oh, slag." he groaned and hung his head.

"It did, didn't it? That's great, that really is! Way to go, Prime!" Megatron growled. After about an hour or so, Megatron started looking around the office out of sheer boredom. Optimus' cybertron books were lined neatly along a shelf and his computer was in a randomly patterned screen saver.

"Where'd you find that Screen saver? I've been looking for something like that." Megatron asked, reasonably civily, watching the old cars zip around the screen.

"Webshots. Jazz found it, thought I'd like it." Optimus replied. Megatron grunted non-commitally.

"How do you think it's going?" Optimus asked after a moment of brief silence. Megatron shrugged, then remembered the Autobot leader couldn't see him.

"Soundwave probably called a retreat, argued with Starscream, who got knocked out by one of your, er, twins and was carted off by Thundercracker and Skywarp. By the way, how do those two manage to mangle my seekers every time?" Megatron asked, genuinely curiously. Optimus thought for a moment, but didn't see any reason why he couldn't tell him.

"They invented something called 'Jet Judo'. If it makes you feel any better, they get pretty slagged themselves. Ratchet reads them the riot act everytime they come in damaged from either using it or practicing. Of course, tossing Skyfire around isn't exactly like tossing a sparkling." Optimus said and Megatron nodded.

"I see your point. That medic is something, isn't he?" Megatron asked, thinking of the bird the Medic had given him. Optimus chuckled.

"Definitely. Don't ever let him catch you doing something stupid, he'd give Starscream a run for his money in crabby." Optimus said and about that time a knock came from the door.

"Optimus? We came to apologize." Sideswipe called humbly from the other side of the door.

"Oh, crap. Don't get Prowl, don't override the lock." Optimus chanted silently while thinking of a worth while excuse to get rid of them. "It's okay Sideswipe, you and Sunstreaker are forgiven. Could you do me a favor?" he called, hoping to Primus above the younger bot wouldn't ask to be let in.

"Sure!" Sideswipe said cheerfully and Optimus' spark sank. That wasn't good.

"Could you get Prowl, tell him it's urgent, then keep the rest of the Ark busy for a few hours? You and 'Streaker will get four months of no brig time if you'll do those things and not breathe a word of this to anyone." Optimus said and heard a stifled chuckle from behind him.

"Of course. Be right back!" Sideswipe announced cheerfully.

"Red Alerts camera's are going to be removed, shoved up his exhaust pipe and _twisted_." Optimus snarled, making the Decepticon leader behind him almost collapse with laughter.

"Optimus, are you all right?" Prowl's gently concerned voice welcomly drifted in.

"Prowl, override the lock, get in here and close the door as quickly as possible." Optimus ordered, his voice tense with impending embarrasment.

"Done, but what's the…….. Oh…… My." Prowl trailed off. The pleading look in Optimus' optics snapped him out of his surprise as he quickly explained both situations.

"Of course." Prowl said and lifted the Autobot leader to a standing position then did the same with the Decepticon leader. "May I ask…..?" Prowl said, his face mercifully straight.

"Old hydraulics and older Transformers." Megatron and Optimus answered in unison.

"Ah. If you will follow me, Megatron, I will show you the back exit of the Ark so that you and Optimus both may be saved from…….Further embarrasment." Prowl asked, his mouth twitching ever so slightly. Megatron nodded and saluted Optimus briefly, before following the tactician stealthily down the hall. Optimus turned to where he knew the camera was and mouthed 'My office. Now.' he said and pointed imperiously to the floor.

"You wanted me, Optimus?" Red Alert asked, getting to the office in record time.

"I want all of the Camera's except the ones at the front and rear exits removed. _Now_." Optimus said, seeing Red's impendings argument.

"I'll go round up some recruits." Red Alert said hastily and exited as Prowl returned.

"Don't, just don't." Optimus said as he walked back behind his desk and sat down. Prowl bent to retrieve the datapads that still hadn't been picked and his face came up straight.

"I would never. Besides, it's not that funny." Prowl added, gave him a Jazz worthy grin, and left.

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Fin

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End file.
